How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie

1.) Fundamentals Techniques in handling people

  • don’t blame, critize or complain
  • critism is useless because it puts people on defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. It hurts their sense of importance
  • We are not dealing with creatures of logic – we are dealing with creatures of emotion
  • I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know of everybody
  • Great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men

(read Father Forgets)

Don’t critize, condemn, blame or complain !

2.) The big secret of dealing with people

  • making the other person want to do it
  • deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important”
  • Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself
  • We usually spend about 95% of our time thinking about ourselfs

“Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime- repeat them years after you have forgotten them.”

Dale Carnegie

Give honest and sincere appreciation !

3.) He who can do this has the whole word with

  • we are interested in what we want
  • only way to influence people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it
  • how can I make this person want to do it ?

If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.

H. Ford

Arouse in the other person an eager want !

4.) You will be welcome anywhere

  • becoming genuinely interested in other people
  • people are interested in themselves
  • Let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfullness
  • Let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm

Become genuinely interested in other people !

5.) Simple good first impression

  • acting speaks louder than words
  • encouragement is much more effective teaching device than punishment
  • TRY: Smile at someone every hour of the day fo a week !
  • force yourself to smile
  • most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be

It cost $0.00, but creates much.

Smile !

6.) Name

  • simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important
  • the name will work magic as we deal with others

Remember person’s name !

7.) Becoming good conversationalist

  • be genuinely interested
  • stop whatever you doing and listen
  • people who talked only of themselves think only of themselves
  • Good conversationalist = attentive listener
  • To be interesting = be interested
  • ask questions that other persons will enjoy answer
  • Encourage them to talk about themselves
  • People are 100x more interested in themselves, their wants and their problems than in you and your problems

Be good listener ! Encourage others to talk about themselves !!

8.) How to interest people

  • road to a person’s hearth is to talk about the things he or she treasures most
  • Find out what person is interested in and what they enjoyed talking about

Talk in terms of other person’s interests !

9.) Make people feel important

  • find something you can honestly admire about person
  • always make the other person feel important
  • desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature
  • respect all people
  • talk to people about themselves

Make other person feel important – and do it sincerely !!

10.) Can’t win an argument

  • avoid verbal fights
  • if you argue, you may win sometimes, but it will be empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will
  • listen first
  • try to build bridges of undeestanding
  • don’t build higher barries of misunderstanding
  • postpone action

The only way get the best of an argument is to avoid it !!

11.) Sure way to making enemies

  • if you can’t be sure of being right even 55% of the time, why should you tell other people they are wrong
  • if you are going to prove anything. You can only help him to find it within himself
  • be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so
  • be diplomatic – it will help you gain your point

Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wong” !!

12.) Drop of a Honey

  • people don’t want to change their minds
  • gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force
  • Kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world

Begin in a friendly way !

13.) The secret of Socrates

  • don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing
  • Get other person saying YES, YES
  • Look at things from other person’s viewpoint and try to get that person saying yes
  • Ask a gentle question – question that will get the “yes, yes” response
  • Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
  • Talk about your own mistakes before critizing the other person

Get the other person saying “YES, YES” immediately !

14.) The safety key in handling complains

  • let other people talk themselves out
  • our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours
  • only mention my achievements when they ask

Let other person do a great deal of the talking !!

15.) Getting cooperation

  • we like to be consulted about our wishes, wants and thoughts

Let other person feel that the idea is his or her

16.) Formula that will work

  • other people may be totally wrong, but they don’t thinks so -> try to undestand them
  • Try honestly put yourself in his/her place
  • How would I feel ? How would I react if I were in his shoes ?
  • Dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view !

17.) What everybody wants

  • I don’t blame you for feeling as you do. If I were you I would feel just as you do.
  • 3/4 of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desire !!

19.) Movies does it too

  • To explain, discuss… usephysical object

Dramatize Your Idea !!

20.) When nothing works

  • the way to get things done is to stimulate competion
  • all men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory
  • Give peoplechance to excel, to win
  • Desire to excel, for feeling of importance

Throw down a challange !!

21.) If you find a fault

  • it is always easier to listen to unplesant things after we have heard some praise of our good points

Begin with praise and honest appreciation !!

22.) No one likes to take orders

  • giving suggestions instead of orders
  • Let other person save a face
  • Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement
  • Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. (To be as good as what was expected or promised).

“You might consider this..”

“Do you think this would work… “

Ask question instead of giving direct order !!

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